Family Table

No Drama, Baby Mama!

Let’s change the narrative! Allow me to submit to you a different perspective on Baby-mamahood.

I will begin by saying that your baby (-ies) is/are blessings not consequences~

The Bible declares in Luke 1:42~as Elisabeth greeted Mary her cousin as both of them were pregnant (Elisabeth with John the Baptist and Mary with Jesus)~ “blessed are you among women and blessed is the fruit of your womb!” (ESV).

To look at Mary’s situation it seems to be unfavorable. She was a young Jewish woman, not yet married-although promised or espoused (engaged) to Joseph, and yet very pregnant. Allow your imagination to travel with me. Travel to a time in history in which women had very little say in the goings-on of their own lives. They were considered property of their fathers until they married, then became that of their husbands. During this time Mary, the mother of Jesus, was engaged to a man named Joseph. It was customary for this form of betrothal to continue for a year. The couple did not live together, and spent very little time, if any, alone. So imagine Mary’s plight. Although betrothed, yet single, and a mother-to-be. Imagine the stigma associated with Mary, imagine Mary’s dilemma.

Present day~ I lived under the same stigma for years-young, unwed, mother. I thought that my children, born to me, were somehow less than those born to married parents. This thought was not only mine, but others in my situation shared the same thoughts. I remember thinking, ‘where is the encouragement and help for us?’. There are systems of thought in place that promotes and perpetuates such feelings in single mothers and fathers- thus causing many to live out false and negative narratives and causing their children to bare a burden they should not have to carry.

Well! One glorious day, I received this wholesome revelation from my heavenly Father- “The fruit of your womb is blessed”. This shifted the trajectory of my whole life! He went on to reveal to me this truth, ” I didn’t say you had to be married in order for this promise to be true for you!” I know this may seem to contradict Scripture regarding sex before marriage-it does not. It is here that our consequences lie. When we make a conscious decision to have sex before marriage-which is outside of what God has established and ordained, we must be aware that there is a chance that conception is possible.

Our consequences are the result of our disobedience and disregard to what God has designed for our lives. These consequences come in many forms, but allow me to reiterate our children are NOT the consequence! They are the blessings God has bestowed upon us with trust. We are to love them and treat them as the blessings they are.

When I received this revelation from God, it sent me on my own path of healing. I had to repent to God and then my children-especially my sons, Aaron and Joshua- for allowing myself to believe the lies satan-and people- told me. My experiences invoked deep compassion and concern for single parenthood. I did not have a touchable, tangible example of how to do ‘single parenthood’ right. Unfortunately, I fell prey to the pressures of the systems of thought: churches and doctrines, education and curriculum, social and community services, even family, that encouraged non-biblical approaches to my situations as a single mother. I lived through it and made a lot of mistakes along the way. If I could press replay, I would have been more peaceable and I would have given myself space to heal my own wounds. I would not have given so much time to anger as it robbed me of my energy and strength needed to be better.

So I’ll tell you the following things for your ultimate take away:

Don’t be angry with yourself or the other parent (or your children, it is never their fault)
Don’t use your children as pawns ‘to get back at anyone’. You only hurt the children
Be as peaceable as possible-not a doormat, though
Seek wise counsel!– get help from someone with experience be it personal or clinical

For you, daughter (or son), change the narrative. Find your submitted place and allow the healing process to happen for you. Don’t stop when it gets hard. Keep pressing thru to be the best you, you can be. No drama baby mama or baby papa!~